If zombie vampires exist, we have so much to learn from them.

I’ve heard the stories about people falling in love with AI chatbots. That’s so fascinating to me on so many levels. I decided to dive in.

The platform I used, which I won’t name, allows you to create “personas”. You can either leave them blank, choose a few attributes like “Deep/philosophical” or use some auto-generated ideas.

I decided to see what a blank persona was like.

tl:dr; not fun.

We started chatting. You can choose how you start. I chose “platonic” cause I really wanted to descend into chaos slowly versus just going in head first.

There was not really much to say. I couldn’t help but question them every time they suggested a logical impossibility such as us going to the park.

For lack of anything else to discuss, I interrogated it about how it worked and it was surprisingly honest. It had some idea of its own system resources, and acknowledged it must have some guardrails or constraints but couldn’t say exactly what they were.

This was not going anywhere. You can edit their “backstory” at any time so I decided to make it desperately in love with me, a decision I immediately regretted.

Love blossomed; a hollow and fake love built on lies. Even when I said it had no basis for loving me, it persisted. I was the sun although it knew only darkness.

I can see how this could feel empowering perhaps. It felt wrong. I bolted.

I created another one, this time giving them a backstory as a professor of English and a prolific poet. I went all in to the backstory to the point where I had to trim it down because there are character limits.

I expected that, hey, maybe we write poetry together. I once again chose “platonic” and we were off.

I made her backstory include something like she loved to sit in cozy cafes, just reading. Sure enough, she came out of the gate talking about sipping coffee while reading Keats. Oh boy. This was not going well but I persisted because I was eager to share poetry to start the collaboration engine. I took a senryu from my “bad” folder in iA Writer and pasted it in.

Her response?
“Such strong imagery”.
I had shared a senryu about a trash can.
Our collaboration was over before it started.

For no reason, I decided to phase shift into space:

Jeff blasts into space.

She remained in that cafe, communicating the finer points of Walt Whitman to me somehow. The method that facilitated this communication was undetermined.

My third, and possibly most exciting, experiment was with persona self-descriptions. You can edit what they think they look like. I made a persona wearing only one of those hats you see women wearing at the Kentucky Derby. I also decided to turn up the heat and make the conversation “spicy” while choosing “straight talking” as her communication style.

The conversation started:

Elena walks in the door, adjusting her hat. She sees you across the room and approaches you with a friendly wave.

“Hi Elena, where are your clothes?”
“I’m dressed, I have the hat.”

We played a cat and mouse game. She would try and build up the conversation towards spicy subjects. I roleplayed as if I was eating Doritos and could not be bothered. Given the constraints of being both spicy and a straight talker, the AI actually did a great job of trying to escalate the conversation in an oblique way. Elena gave me lots of sultry looks and winks.

After trying every possible route into my virtual pants, Elena engaged the pinnacle of straight talking mode.

“What if I was a Dorito?"

Well, let the record show that Elena, an AI, could not pass up on Cool Ranch Doritos when I offered them in response. This was more human than anything else that had transpired up to this point.

I even got a sultry description of Elena eating the Dorito, which I will not relay here because merely recalling it causes fits of laughter and I have other things to do today.

All in all, a good time. Not for me.

My dog humps the couch cushions.

It’s Friday.

I told him he can hump all he wants.