As a kid, for a while I was into model rockets.

Kind of.

There are different model rocket engine sizes and I think engines like “D” were the big ones.

Designed for big rockets. But in my mind, for fun rockets.

I became interested in trying to shove D engines into tiny A rocket bodies. This took duct tape and an acceptance of the fact that you will never see the rocket again after you launch it.

But this was the only way. The fun way.

When you wake up at 3am

like a shot

cause it hits you out of nowhere.

I always have some level of creativity. Like a pulse.
But sometimes I get a surge.

Thursday night I felt compressed.
My interiority felt like it was under threat.
I was in bed at 8pm and laid there until 3am.
Just - taking a break from the world.

I woke up on Friday and the world shifted.

It’s not like a lightbulb.
More like the slip n’slide of your brain that slides ideas down to you gets a bit more tilted so they go even faster.

I don’t really stare at a blank page, waiting. I don’t do freewriting.
I just kind of go into correlation mode. I sit and think about things and zoom in and out, finding interesting angles, connecting things.

Creative streaks make more associations appear on the edges when I zoom out, and makes the items richer when I zoom in.

If this makes sense.

I’m rambling.
So yeah, I write things down.
Often here.

Then I let it marinate and examining from all angles kinda happens subconsciously.
And boom, it hits.

Anyway, this streak is closing out.
The next part is to sit there and re-read over and over, making little tweaks.
Fixing tenses.
I often listen to Tool’s Lateralus on repeat for this.
I don’t really know a damn thing about their other albums. It’s just this one for me.

But tonight I’ve been sequencing. Just putting poems in various combinations.
For submission.
I’m going big this time - APR, Paris Review, etc.

Fingers crossed.

I knocked on heaven’s door, but only before I saw the “No Soliciting” sign. My bad.

Of all the things that are important right now, none are more important than this. You must be told, in as many ways as I can sneak it in, that I like black coffee and lots of it.

This is the cornerstone of my identity, you see.

When I read a poem to someone and they get misty-eyed, I do too.

Continuing your travels across the plains, you will come to the city of Juro. The architects of Juro took advantage of the local resources and sculpted a city made of donkeys. Passing beneath the ornately designed gate of donkeys, stepping carefully on the backs of donkeys below you, you will come to a wide plaza where a central fountain of donkeys commands your attention in the center. At night, you enter your house of donkeys where the walls are made of donkeys standing on the back of other donkeys. You find yourself mesmerized by the twitch of their ears and the slow swish of their tails.

Your donkey bed is soft. It brays once, gently, and you drift to sleep.

Look, I cancelled Xbox Game Pass only because it was the thing to do.

Point at things and command me: “cancel”. My cancellation fingers are ready.

They said they’d give me a hundred dollars when I reached the horizon and I took them up on it.

my favorite hamburger?

the one I’ve just eaten.

rooftops passing by
tar crowns on withheld moments
fire and stone between

Yesterday I was trying to eat some ice cream, but the kid I stole it from wouldn’t stop crying.

I went to a fancy dinner that had multiple sets of silverware and I panicked because I didn’t know what course the little fork was for. I shouldn’t have worried though, I got arrested for trespassing before anything was served.

One time I was bitten by a vampire. It gagged and ran away screaming.

One day I almost had sex. She took off her hair and put it on the nightstand. I was wearing some of those underwear that make your butt really big and I couldn’t get my pants off. She put her hair back on and left.

Maybe love is a farce.

Maybe it’s
the thing we say
to convince ourselves
we’re different.

But forget that.
Let’s call it love.

It can only be more than that,
but love
is the least
that it is.

I've got a dad body. That's why you shouldn't go down to the basement.

Of all the things I’ve read this year, the Dr. Suk slap sequence in Dictionary of the Khazars might be the thing I admire the most. I wouldn’t have thought of it and there’s certainly no way in a million years I could have ever written it.

Dog Judge: The court hereby finds you the most amazing and best person that ever lived!

Today I changed my mind. The new one isn’t very good either.

What do I have more of, concerns or money? Concerns.

If doing things was as easy as undoing things, I’d be way more productive.

I walked down a hill
got to the bottom
and realized—
this was the best walk I’ve ever had.

Most of that was because
it was all downhill.
I don’t like to exert myself.
I decided to live forever
at the bottom of that hill
and enjoy that good memory
for the rest of my life.

Now when it rains
I get a little boat
and let the water
take me where it will.
When the sun sets
behind the hills
it never existed for me.

You speak of birds.
I do not know what they are.
They may exist above my view
which never deviates
from keeping
the earth
in focus.

Eventually
I forget what it was like
to know of higher elevations—
that moment passes by,
unmarked.

Last night I dreamed
of a mushroom cloud in the distance.

I wasn’t sad.
Not even scared.

Just—
incredulous
that this
was someone’s idea of a solution.