Abstract

Page one, line one,
before the dedication
to his mother:

This dissertation sucks balls.

The committee
had one question.

Why open with the conclusion?

He said every dissertation sucks balls.

His. Theirs.
The ones bound in gold
in the library basement.

The difference is four hundred pages.

He had respected their time.

Dr. Hertel
wrote something down.

They sent him to the hallway.

There was one laugh.

Then nothing
for a long time.